Futurama Pornography Story: Bender’s List – Chapter 1
Disclaimer: I didnt cancel Futurama.
You dont want to have sex with me, said the alien woman flatly.
Not until Ive properly introduced myself, anyway, said the man, stroking her shoulder. My names Beau Hunter.
Its nice to meet you, Beau, said the woman with a hint of a smile, but trust me, you dont want to have sex with me.
Youre right, I dont, said Hunter as he pulled himself a bit closer. Not right here and right now, that is.
The alien woman sighed. All right, she said in defeat. Well go to your place.
In the dim light of Beau Hunters penthouse, the suave seducer made an unpleasant discovery. Hey, those are fake! Youre a man!
Wrong again, said the raven-haired alien with glee.
What the
We will return to Androgyny and the City after a message from our sponsor, Moms Friendly Robot Company, droned the announcer.
It was a Friday night. Fry and Bender, not wanting to spend the evening alone, had decided to relax in front of the TV together. They barely noticed the sun sinking below New New Yorks concrete horizon, or the fiery comet that was hurtling directly toward the recently rebuilt Nouvelle Montreal.
This sucks, Fry remarked out of the blue.
Yeah, his robot buddy concurred. If it werent for All My Circuits, Id stop watching Fox altogether. I mean, Switching Bodies with Celebrities? That is so totally a copy.
No, its not that, said Fry. It sucks that TV hasnt changed at all after a thousand years of suspended animation. Here we are staring at a tiny little screen, when we could be inside the set, interacting with artificially intelligent characters.
Intelligent characters? said Bender incredulously. Youre watching the wrong network, pal. Picking up the remote control with his three corrugated fingers, he switched the channel to PBS. Heres something you can always count on to deliver qualitypublic television.
Hello, Im Simon Cowells head, stated the shows disembodied host. Welcome to Siegfried Idol, where you, the audience, will choose the next great opera star.
Oh, man, I hate opera, Fry grumbled. Theres never any sex or violence.
As Bender changed the station again, the automatic door slid open, allowing Leela to enter. Hi, guys, she greeted them. Youre not watching Androgyny and the City, are you?
No way, Fry assured her. Thats a chick show.
I thought it was a guy show, said Leela.
On the screen, Morbo and Linda reported the latest world news. Only two Ewoks surviveda male and a female, said Morbo in his gruff alien voice. They were promptly sterilized. Over to you, Linda.
This just in, said the blond newswoman. The president of the world, Richard Nixons head, has signed into law the much-debated Kennedy-Kennedy Act. The bills most controversial provisions include a ten percent increase in funding for water drilling on Mars, a decree requiring all mutants to live in the sewers, and a program intended to
Oh, my God! exclaimed Leela, her eye widening in horror.
Quiet, Leela! said Fry sharply. I think she just said something about mutants. It may be important.